5 things: sparks joy
the little things that made me happy this week. plus: kristen stewart on what kills good work, my mama's fish rub (!), a great last minute holiday gift, and more
happy saturday, friends.
i’ve been up since 7am, and somehow, i’m just sitting down to write this week’s newsletter. as i typed that sentence, a lil ai bot popped up within my substack dashboard. it read, help me write. had i clicked it (i didn’t, because i never ever want ai to help me write), i imagine it could have crafted a nice intro for you. it’s almost like the ai sensed that i was running late to my usual saturday morning writing date. like it knew that i had woken up feeling like i just didn’t have it in me to write a beautiful intro. like it could sense that i was distracted.
and i am distracted. by the state of the world (have you seen the flood out in oregon, and the rainstorms in gaza?). by the state of my holiday list (generally speaking, i’m quite organized, having ordered nearly everything—but now there is oh so much to wrap!). by the fact that i need to get to the post office before it closes by 4pm because today is the absolute last day i can ship my operation santa gifts, and though i’ve already sent a giant box to hawaii, one gift came all the way from poland and just arrived (in the nick of time!) last night. by the realization that if i want to send cookie boxes to my team, i need to spend much of tomorrow baking.
i imagine i am not alone in stating: we have reached the point of the year in which my brain feels like mush. i am tired. bone tired. tired in ways sleep cannot fix, tired in ways only a longggg vacation could (except that i do not get one because my team and i have to work the holiday due to circumstances mostly—somewhat—out of our control). i am tired, and also, i feel like this year has gone by way too fast. i could have sworn it was just yesterday that i accepted my new job; come monday, i’ll have been there for a year. i remember when my gynecologist appointment back in april, where she told me she was referring me to a fibroid specialist because it was “time to take it out”—that moment feels like a million years ago, and also like it just happened.
in the past year, i have started a new job, and battled with my inner demons. i have had health scares, and spent hours in the ER. i have had surgery, and spent weeks recovering. i have built back up from a running injury only to injure myself again. i have concepted and planned and shot not one but two commercials, for which i spent two weeks in vancouver and two weeks in atlanta, respectively. i have developed a more severe form of anxiety, and as of last week, have started lexapro to (hopefully) treat it. i have tried and failed to find an agent for my second book, have written hundreds of pages that may never see the light of day.
but also: i spent two weeks in europe with great friends, including a week in corsica in which i woke up each morning to the sound of the local bread truck tooting its horn up the hilly street. i hiked 10 miles in a single day (not on purpose, mind you! i was TRICKED!) and then swam in chilly corsican waters tucked between rocky peaks. i spent a night in paris with a beautiful south african man i will never see again, who charmed me with his accent and a well-chosen bottle of wine, then hopped on an early morning eurostar to london, where i took in a show, spent time with my cousins, and “wild swam” not once but twice (twice!) in the hampstead ponds (side note: if you love to swim and find yourself in london, DO THIS!).
this was the year i adopted not one but two kittens, luna and prudence, who have brought me oh! so! much! joy! the other night, i turned out the lights to go to bed and found luna in her window seat, her eyes tracking something outside the window. it was too dark for birds, and then i realized: it was flurrying, and it was luna’s first time seeing the snow. watching her dart back and forth to try and catch the flakes made my heart swell. cats! what magical creatures.
so yes, i am tired.
yes, i feel as though i am limping towards the finish line of this year. 2025 was, in so many ways, not it. but there was joy to be found amidst the hard parts. i think there always is, if you know how to look. and so, in lieu of having something more profound to talk to you about today, i present to you: the little things that made me happy this week.
{left to right, top to bottom}
i participated in usps’ operation santa project this year via my work, and purchased a couple hundred dollars worth of presents for a family in hawaii. don’t they look so pretty all wrapped up?!
sometimes when i’m sitting next to luna on the couch, she extends her paw and places it over my arm—as if to say, hi mom, i’m here. it is the cutest thing, and melts my heart every damn time. we do not deserve cats!
my building’s holiday lights went up in the courtyard, and every time i step outside my door, they make me smile.
while recuperating from my fibroid removal surgery, i hired a handy man to complete a project i’ve been meaning to do in my apartment for literally years: installing fixed shower rods (so that the cats can’t accidentally tug them down!). i also purchased a new shower curtain. i love it so much!
i have a (bad? good?) habit of taking things out of the trash pile in my building’s laundry room. this week’s find: an incredibly heavy webster’s dictionary from 1957! i told myself i didn’t need it, left for the day, then panicked and texted my super to grab it and put it aside for me. this page of dogs = perfect for the dog lovers in my life. i had to!!
want to hear a lovely story about this coffee creamer? i am obsessed with it, but it’s limited edition for the holidays and often sells out—at target, at whole foods, etc. the other day, i couldn’t find it anywhere, and called a local grocery store a 15 minute walk away. they had ONE in stock, and offered to put it aside for me. when i got there, the man who’d kept it safe asked me if i liked it, and bought it often. i explained that i loved it but that it was often hard to find. don’t worry, he said. i’ll order it for you. we’ll keep it in stock. you come here, we’ll have it! it’s the little things, folks.
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let’s get into our recs, shall we?
all hail kristen stewart, who is an absolute marvel in this episode of the interview. stewart joined the times’ david marchese to discuss her first full-length directorial feature, the chronology of water, which is an adaptation of lidia luknavitch’s memoir of the same name. imogen poots stars in the film as lidia, a competitive swimmer fighting her way through a series of traumas. i am not a big movie girl, but i’m hoping to see this one over the holidays—it looks incredible (albeit very intense). to hear kristen tell it, the movie is both 10 years in the making, and shockingly urgent; a story about womanhood, sexuality, and the stories we tell about ourselves. i loved hearing her talk about her creative process, but the moment in the interview that really made me press pause (literally, i rewound and re-listened multiple times) was hearing her talk about how hard it is to get good creative work made. her description of the way creative products are tested, the way decisions are made by committee…it hit me in my SOUL. nothing kills a good idea like market research (if you know, you know).
Literal on-paper numbered equations that tell you whether or not a joke is funny. Ten people who are over the age of 50 and male weighing in on what my queer character’s hair should look like. Completely sucking out the colloquialism, anything specific. Day to day, you watch something with detail and color become gray. It’s dispiriting. It’s demoralizing. It’s also entirely misogynistic and chauvinistic and not the realm that creates an environment for me to want to be vulnerable in, and that’s my whole job as an actor.
i mean!! MIC DROP. listen to this episode for that section alone (i believe it comes about halfway through the interview).
ps: other podcasts i enjoyed this week included this episode of The Culture Study Podcast about big korean pop culture energy, this second life interview with designer jamie haller (a true multi-hyphenate creative who just kind of leaps—so much respect for that!), this episode of the goop podcast with erin and sara foster (the creators of nobody wants this), and this interview with zoe kanan, the baker behind elbow bread, a magical and delicious jewish bakery in my neighborhood (if you go, get the cinnamon sugar sweet potato soft pretzel!!).
when ann patchett calls something a glorious sweep of a novel, you listen. i’m only a little bit into buckeye, but i can already tell i’m going to be savoring it, the way i did wally lamb’s the river is waiting and karissa chen’s homeseeking earlier this year. the novel follows two families in the small town of bonhomie, ohio in the aftermath of world war ii. cal jenkins is wounded by the war—but not in the way you think. born with one leg shorter than the other, he watched as the men of his town went off to serve their country while he stayed behind. he’s resigned himself to the life he shares with becky, a seer who can conjure the dead. he loves becky, he does. but he longs for more. he longs to be more. and then, on the day of allied victory, someone changes everything: margaret salt walks into cal’s hardware store, demanding he turn on the radio to broadcast the news. and then, she kisses him.
i’ll be honest: i know little more than that, so far. but the writing is so good that i don’t care—i’ll go on whatever journey patrick ryan wants to take me on. i already have so much heart for becky and her witchy ways, for cal and his bum leg, and even for margaret, who kisses a man she’s never met.
get it on amazon | get it on bookshop
ps: i also read a debut novel from a friend of a friend this week! it’s called the midnight taxi, and it’s publishing on february 10th, 2026. it’s being marketed as a ‘cozy and fun read’; having finished it, i think the term cozy mystery is more accurate. this isn’t a genre i dabble in (i like my thrillers dark, hah), but i still found it an enjoyable read! the book follows sri lankan taxi driver siriwathi, whose last fare of the night turns up dead in the backseat. pinned as the only and obvious suspect, siri—along with her new friend, public defender amaya—must work overtime to clear her name before it’s too late. yosha herself is a former manhattan public defender; she now works as an attorney for the innocence project—aka she knows firsthand what it’s like when innocent people are accused of crimes they did not commit.
you can preorder the midnight taxi here!
pps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (i read 80 in 2024!)
i love a political thriller. and yet somehow, i missed zero day when it came out earlier this year. after binging what felt like every other thriller netflix had to offer, i decided to give this one a try on somewhat of a whim, and man am i glad i did! the show stars robert deniro (bless, what a legend) as a former president called back to serve after the united states experiences a “zero day” cyber attack in which all systems of communication and electrical go down, causing thousands of deaths in a second. having deferred on a second term after being accused of not being quite right mentally (big biden vibes), president george mullen is requested to lead an investigation into the attack—only to uncover deep-seated conspiracies (on both sides!), a mess of disinformation, and potential betrayal from the ones he loves the most. this baby got 54% on rotten tomatoes, so it’s not the most high brow tv ever. but honestly? pluribus is high brow and i think it’s kinda shitty. so! do with that information what you will.
psst! if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on IG stories or substack notes—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
my mom’s fish rub is kind of famous around these parts. and by these parts i mean, my family, a handful of my friends, and our neighbors back in massachusetts. in the summer, my fam eats salmon grilled on a cedar plank at least once a week, and it’s always (always!) made with this fish rub. we like to serve it with pesto pasta (we also make homemade pesto in our house!), but i ate mine with israeli couscous the other night and it was delicious. you do you! i (obviously) don’t have a grill here in my new york apartment, so i roasted mine in the oven at 400 for about 20 minutes, along with some delicious sliced zucchini (which i also sprinkled with fish rub). my mom does the same temp and timing on the grill. the secret sauce is in the cornmeal, which gives it a nice little crunch—but if you don’t have that, you could certainly make the recipe without.
ok, let’s cook!
lynn’s fish rub (for about 1lb of salmon):
combine in a small bowl:
3-4 tsp kosher salt (note: i thought this was a bit salty, next time, i’d try 2 tsp)
3 tbsp white sugar
1/2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp black peper
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp cornmeal
pinch of cayenne pepper
per my mom:
first, oil the fish with your hands (olive oil or sesame, we prefer sesame). use a spoon to shake the rub over the fish, then use your hands to really pat it down so that it sticks.
grill (or roast) at 400 for around 15-20 minutes (depending on how thick your fish is/how well done you like it).
so simple, SO delish!
have you entered panic mode re: your holiday gifts yet? if yes, might i suggest this perfect cashmere snood? i think it would make quite a few people happy, including but not limited to: your mom, your mother-in-law, your best friend, your work wife/husband, etc. soft, pretty, warm, cozy—what’s not to love? i snagged one for someone on my list and it shipped the same day, so you can be certain it’ll make it in time.
looking for more great gifts? ask, and you shall receive.
before you go, here are a few things i enjoyed on the internet this week:
kendall jenner’s mountain house (designed by the incredibly talented heidi caillier) is just BEYOND.
amanda seyfried just seems like the absolute coolest, don’t you think?
my friend jo was wearing this (apparently tiktok shoppable) fleece last night and while i absolutely do not need another fleece jacket (really, i don’t), I LOVE IT. it’s so festive, and it’s under $75.
author sophie kinsella passed away last week after a battle with cancer. i loved this love letter to her stories.
this piece on panic attacks got me in my feels, big time. may we all be so lucky to have a freddie.
melissa clark’s best latke recipe (happy almost hanukkah to my fellow celebrants!)
we need to talk about tieghan. a very thoughtful piece on half-baked harvest, ED, and food.
❤️ and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on stories—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
This felt like sitting across from a friend at a coffee shop while the year spills out in real time. The tiredness, the joy, the tiny kindnesses, all of it rang so true. Thank you for naming the mushy, beautiful middle so honestly.
I hear you re: finding an agent for your book. I'm doing this for the first time---a cozy mystery--and I'm close to the end. It's such a gut-wrenching process! I'm going to self pub and no one can stop me. I guess people might not buy my book, lol, but no one can stop me.