5 things: the likeability curse
the words currently living rent-free in my mind. plus: homemade apple cider donuts (!!!), a perfect sweatshirt on major sale, the story of trader joe's in podcast form, and more
happy saturday, friends.
how was your week? how is your heart? how are we holding up? in times of strife (personal and worldly), i find it makes me feel slightly more hopeful if i can give—whether that be goods, money, time, or a little bit of each. this week, i donated to feeding america and the bowery mission (along with my usual monthly donations to planned parenthood and the aspca, two organizations near and dear to my heart). last week, i brought a huge bag of clothes to mary house in the east village. yesterday, i signed up to participate in operation santa through my office, volunteering to purchase a family’s christmas list (both adults and kiddos!). i did operation santa a few years ago, and with the help of my wonderful instagram community, filled up my WHOLE DAMN TRUNK with gifts. these are all small acts, relatively speaking. they won’t solve for our societal crises, or for our country’s wealth inequality, or for the administration’s constant disregard for, you know, basic human rights. but it’s something. a little something that makes me feel connected to the people i know, and the people i don’t. a little something that reminds me of who i am, or at the very least, of who i want to be.
this is something i’ve been thinking a lot about lately, both online and at work. who am i, really? who am i when no one is watching, when no one is judging, when no one is thinking about me at all? who am i in my worst moments, and in my best? who am i deep down, and what happens when that deep down version is met with resistance, or misunderstood? i’ve been wanting to write about this for weeks now, have typed and untyped this week’s newsletter headline once, twice, three times. because here’s the thing about writing about your life experience on the internet: anyone—your friends, your family, your colleagues—can find it. and read it. and feel some type of way about it. at times, that knowledge feels quite scary.
psst! this newsletter is too long for email. click to expand it in your browser, or in the substack app. if you’re feeling kind, give it a heart—that helps big feelings be seen by more people!
i have been writing (often publicly) about my feelings since high school.
this will likely not surprise you, but i, sarah, was a livejournal girl. even then, writing about my feelings got me in trouble. my junior year of high school, writing about my feelings on the internet nearly got me kicked off the crew team (i’m not sure what it says about me that i don’t even remember what it was that i wrote, just that a fellow teammate found it online and ‘reported’ me). after livejournal, i pivoted to wordpress. when lifestyle blogs became a thing in the 2010s, i devoured them. look at all these WOMEN! just WRITING ABOUT THEIR LIVES! sharing photos, and stories, and sometimes, links to where they were buying their beautiful clothes. i couldn’t get enough.
many times over the years, people have asked me why i don’t feel more nervous about sharing my feelings online. the short answer? i do. of course i do! but also, writing is how i process things, and i like being able to connect with others who’ve experienced the same thing, or felt the same way. the thing i have always loved most about reading is discovering a sentence or a character that makes me think, oh my god, me too. on the rare occasion when lil old me can make someone else feel that way? that’s the best feeling in the world. somehow, that feeling—and perhaps, that slightly egotistical need for reinforcement—it outweighs the fear. do i know that people who know me in real life probably read the newsletter or look at my instagram and roll their eyes? yep. do i know that they likely think i’m a cringe oversharer who posts far too many photos of her cats? you bet.
i write anyway.
on my fridge, there is a small, glittery magnet. it holds a small notecard with a quote by the writer f. scott fitzgerald:
you don’t write because you want to say something. you write because you have something to say.
i believe—again, perhaps to a slightly delusional level—that i have something to say. i believe that everyone has something to say. i believe the most magical thing about this world and this life is that every single second of every single day, there are millions upon millions of lives being lived all around us. millions upon millions of moments, and smiles, and laughter, and torn-up hearts. at any given moment, someone is getting engaged, having a baby, losing a baby, losing a parent. all of us are just out here trying to make it through the day, trying to find the joy during the hard parts. and sure, we could all keep all those big, beautiful thoughts to ourselves. but what fun would that be?
our experiences, our feelings…they’re what connect us. they are our sacred, shared humanity.
it may surprise you, then, to read that i am trying something different with this week’s newsletter.
it has been a long time since i’ve put something behind the paywall. but this week, i’m doing just that. the title of this week’s newsletter? it’s what’s been going on in the background for the last few months. it’s what i’ve been wanting to write about. and i am, today, going to write about it. but i’m going to place it at the end of this week’s newsletter, after our recs, behind the paywall. not because it’s salacious, but because doing so is a (small) means of self-protection. my paid subscriber base is a much smaller one, filled mostly with people who’ve been reading for years. putting it behind a paywall means that if someone googles me, and finds this substack, they won’t be (automatically, at least) able to read my deepest, darkest thoughts. it is not entirely safe, but it feels safer to me.
ps: if you’re a longtime subscriber who would love to upgrade to paid, but cannot afford to do so, please email me. i am happy to gift a handful of subscriptions here and there.
the tldr: there is a longer essay at the end of this letter. but for now, we’ll go straight into our recs.
friends: if you genuinely enjoy this newsletter, will you a) tap the little heart at the bottom and b) consider sharing it on your IG stories or forwarding along to a friend?
doing so helps ensure big feelings gets seen by more people, as does subscribing (whether paid or free) below.
ok, let’s get to it! we’ve got some goodies this week.
it always surprises me to say this, but i love (love!) the acquired podcast. i am not a business-minded person, nor a particularly entrepreneurial person. and i am definitely not a numbers person (please never ask me to do math, even basic math scares me). but somehow, against all odds, i love acquired, a podcast that dives deep into the history, business strategy, and stories of the world’s greatest companies. think: apple, google, IKEA, starbucks, meta. acquired’s episodes are long—like, multiple hours long—but they never feel it. instead, each one feels like a mini-audiobook experience. the hosts are intelligent, thoughtful, and charming, and they manage to break down complex (at least to me!) business concepts in a way that makes perfect sense to the average listener. their costco episode is a sight to behold (an audio experience to behold?!). it’s fascinating, really and truly. ditto the IKEA ep.
also great? their recent episode all about trader joe’s, aka my favorite grocery store. trader joe’s moved to the lower east side the same year i did, occupying the basement space of a large retail + residential building (fun fact, my tj’s is the largest on the east coast!). i find myself there multiple times a week, eat more unexpected cheddar than anyone should, and found this episode about the company’s history so interesting. did you know tj’s started as a competitor to 7-11?! or that it was originally a party store (wine and nuts)?! did you know two buck chuck is a real person?! i mean! the fun facts are endless. i know it’s long, but it’ll fly by.
ps: other podcast episodes i enjoyed this week included this girls gotta eat interview all about getting fired (i’ve been laid off once, never fired, but the feelings hit the same!), this wirecutter ep about how to shop secondhand like a pro (where are my fellow fb marketplace fans?!), this alison roman interview (she has a new cookbook out!), and this episode of we can do hard things which is all about feeling your feelings.
i have a major book hangover post-workhorse, so i dove into familiar territory. first, i grabbed an easy historical fiction read, last twilight in paris by pam jenoff. then, i pivoted to whatever happened to lori lovely?, which is historical fiction adjacent, with a dual timeline that pivots back and forth between present day and the golden era of hollywood.
lu tibbot is under the gun to complete her senior thesis in modern american history. having switched her major multiple times, lu is a little bit lost—and if she doesn’t submit her thesis, she’ll be unable to graduate. rather than spend weeks in the archives, lu decides to dig into another, far more interesting piece of history: that of her aunt lori, who is the mother abbess at a cloistered convent in rural new england. why her?
once upon a time, mother lori was someone else entirely: a young hollywood starlet named lori lovely. plucked out of obscurity to star in a musical version of romeo and juliet, lu’s aunt lori shot to superstardom overnight. and then, in a blink, she gave it all up, ditching a promising film career for a vow of chastity, poverty, and obedience as a benedictine nun. why did she leave? what was she running from? or rather, who?
tape recorder in hand, lu travels to the convent determined to discover the truth—only to learn that the truth is far more than she ever could have bargained for.
i flew through this one in a few days, and think it would make an excellent holiday train ride read (or beach/poolside read, if you happen to be traveling somewhere warm in the next few weeks).
get it on amazon | get it on bookshop
ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (i read 80 in 2024!)
first things first: if you haven’t yet watched all her fault, GO DO THAT. i binged it in its entirety last weekend, and LOVED IT. it’s soapy AF, but with a great cast and smart writing. it’s also an excellent critique on marriage and the division of labor (dakota fanning’s character’s husband…i could NOT with him). watch it now, come back to discuss in the comments later.
second: i’ve been attempting to stockpile a few shows to watch while i’m recovering from surgery. i’m having a robotic myomectomy on wednesday to remove a large-ish uterine fibroid, and have been advised that i will be down for the count for at least a week, if not a few (i’ve taken 3 weeks off work, just in case). though i’ve worked in advertising for my entire career, i’ve never seen mad men, and, well, better late than never?! that should last me quite a few days (if not the entire rest period!). i’ve also saved most of this season of slow horses, which started out slow (pun not intended) but seems to be picking up. first, though, i intend to start down cemetery road, which stars emma thompson and ruth wilson. i loved wilson in the affair, and emma thompson needs no introduction. seems promising, right?!
psst! if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on IG stories or substack notes—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
a month or so ago, a friend texted to ask if i’d be making apple cider donuts anytime soon. it took me up until last weekend to make them (thank you, covid + work travel), but hey, better late than never, right?! i’ve been using this recipe for years now, and honestly? it never misses. when i don’t have milk, i sub almond milk or half and half. i don’t always boil my cider all the way down. sometimes, i use a little extra butter because a little extra butter makes everything better. and still, they turn out practically perfect every single time. they are not exactly (ok, not at all) healthy, but man, these babies are delicious. as in, better than what you’ll find at the farmer’s market good. they’re fluffy and moist on the inside, crisp and sugary on the outside. they’re cinnamon-y and buttery and oh so autumnal you’ll wish it could stay fall forever. trust me and buy the big thing of apple cider, because you’ll want to make multiple batches of these. they’re just that good.
ps: i use these donut pans for baking, and have for years!
is it just me, or has j crew been killing it lately? the sweater i shared last week came, and while the color is perfect, it’s a little too oversized. if you order it, size down (i need a medium, not a large). it’s also on sale for $89.50, down from $128—a steal for a cozy knit you’ll wear all season long. you know what’s also on sale? OH SO MUCH. i know the whole j crew sale thing can get a little tired (they’re always doing sales, so much so that it feels silly to ever purchase anything there full price). but honestly? the sale right now is good. take, for example, the merino sweatshirt pictured above. it too was originally $128. right now, it’s on sale for $46. FORTY-SIX! it’s hanging out in my cart, along with a second color (the brown shade) of last week’s sweater in the correct size.
all the influencers i follow online have started posting their gift guides, and while i don’t think i’ll have the time or the brain space to create any of my own this year, i can confidently say that i think this sweater (or this one!) would make an excellent gift. these pjs, too. ooh, and these sherpa booties!
before you go, here are a few things i enjoyed on the internet this week:
my friend sent me this on instagram, and it brought me so much joy!
jen rubio (the founder of away luggage) and her husband’s home in the hamptons is stunning! oh, how the other half lives.
i bookmarked these apple pie overnight oats to make for easy breakfasts while i’m recuperating.
i recently ordered these sparkly tights to wear with my silk reformation shorts (and any/all dresses) and i am obsessed with them.
burnout isn’t just about your mind. it’s about your body. man, did i feel this article in my soul.
where
Joanna Goddard
shops (hi, favorite street in nolita!).
as promised, there is a longer essay below.
here’s the thing, she said. they feel like you don’t want to be here.
it was 9:30 on an early autumn morning, and i was staring into my macbook camera, trying not to cry on microsoft teams.
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