5 things for friday

i love my parents, and also, my alone time. plus: 3 of my favorite cdmx cafes, the perfect fall read, sequin season and more.

Nov 01, 2024

happy friday, friends!

before we dive in: this issue is too long for email, so you might want to click out to read in browser or in the substack app, if you have it!

hola from a little wooden table outside of casa cafe, where i’m posted up for the afternoon with a positively ginormous bowl of chilaquiles con cochinita, aka the most delicious shredded pork you’ve ever tasted in your life. in just a few days, i’ll board a plane back to new york city, land at 10pm, and—god-willing—be back in my apartment by midnight, only to awaken early the next morning to watch the new york city marathon, which two of my brave and beautiful friends, amanda and jo, are running. it feels as once like i’ve been in mexico forever, and like i just got here. that’s how travel always feels to me, especially when i’m somewhere for longer than a week. the first few days are about settling in, about getting your sea legs. adjusting to a new time zone, sleeping in a bed that isn’t your own. learning how to order your coffee at the cafe down the street, or—if you’re me—how to purchase the right type of milk in the local supermarket so that you can make your first coffee of the day at “home.”

this is the thing i both love and hate about travel: learning to feel at home in a place that is not your home. as i mentioned in last week’s newsletters, my moms joined me for my first week here in mexico city. they’d never been before—never been to mexico at all!—and like many people their age, had some outdated perceptions of what the city might be like. i was thrilled to show them just how magical this place is, thrilled to walk them through the parques and take them for tacos, and splurge on a handful of truly one of a kind meals. it was the longest trip we’ve taken together since i was in high school, and while most of it went well, there were hard moments. mine is a family that loves one another dearly, but also, sometimes struggles when we’re in a confined space. we’re all stubbornly independent, addicted to our routines and set in our ways. attempting to merge those—even in a spacious home!—proved difficult at times. but we powered through, we made it work, and overall, we had a wonderful time.

but when i tucked them into an uber on sunday morning, destined for a few nights in a hotel just the two of them, i exhaled a giant sigh of relief. i waved as the uber turned at the corner, and watched as the car disappeared out of sight. and then i popped my airbuds into my headphones and set my google maps for a destination nearly an hour’s walk away: a metro station north of the city center, one that would—in just a few stops, without a transfer—take me to my favorite sunday activity: the antique tianguis (market). i walked and walked, podcast in my ears (more on that below), but found myself worried: had they made it to the hotel okay? were they doing okay? were they in the room, or out shopping? i made it just 20 or so minutes before i texted them. they were in a store down the street from their hotel; my mom was picking out a t-shirt. i looked up at the street sign nearby, and realized i, too, was on that street. i kept walking until i walked right past a tienda where my mamas stood, crouched over a t-shirt rack.

psst, i said, tapping them on the shoulder.

what are you doing here!? they cried.

i noticed i was walking on your hotel’s street, and so i thought maybe you’d be in one of the stores here. and there you were!

i helped them pick out a handful of gifts for my sister, and picked out a cdmx sticker of my own (i’ve been papering my water bottle with stickers!).

and then i gave them another hug, told them i’d see them in the morning (we had one last outing together, a trip to the canals of xochimilco, with my friends scott and katie, who were arriving that evening), and then i went on my merry way for real.

(l-r, t-b: a P for penny at the tianguis, a dia de los muertos ofrenda there, the colorful boats of xochimilco, my cutie pie mama with her post-surgery walking stick outside the mercado de artesanias)

nearly 2 hours later, i arrived at the market. normally, it’s my favorite place to be on a sunday in this city, a ritutal i’ve stayed true to on nearly every trip to mexico. but that particular sunday? the stalls felt too tight together. the smells were too smelly, the crowds too crowded, all of it too much, too loud, too close. i peeked at trinkets, but found none of them spoke to me. an hour or so into my wandering, i realized i was feeling rather faint—and that i hadn’t had much water that day. i doubled back, popping into a supermarket i recalled was tucked off one of the winding aisles of antiques, and bought myself a giant bottle of water. i stood there by the exit and chugged, waiting for the hydration to steady me. and then, i took myself home. first, via metro, and then, via bus, clutching the pole as we chugged from stop to stop, the only gringa who’d deigned to take public transportation.

by the time i put my key into the lock at home, my head was pounding. after a week of playing host, a week of sleeping poorly but powering through, my body had had it. and so i took a long shower, and fed phyllis, the cat i’m taking care of during my house swap. and then i popped on a face mask and some eye patches (these are my favorite), boiled water for a simple pasta, made myself a salad, and sat there in the silence. it wasn’t glamorous, or what most folks would do while on vacation in a favorite city. but it was what my body and mind needed in the moment.

that night, i tossed and turned until 2am, my body confused by the move we’d made from the small single bed in the office to the giant king in the bedroom (i’d given that to my parents during their time with me). when i woke the next morning, my under eye bags were something else. i brewed a coffee, popped on a slew of eye cream, and told myself i would sleep when i was dead. or at least, that i’d sleep that night.

{l-r, t-b: i love the hand-painted signage here! beautiful flowers for dia de los muertos, the best churros i’ve ever had post lucha libre in the doctores neighborhood, perfect light in roma norte, vintage feliz navidad stamps at the market—wish i’d bought these!—and a beautiful, albeit decrepit building in juarez}

as i write this, it’s 3 days later, and i’ve spent the last few nights sleeping soundly, my body having adjusted to the bigger bed, and to the natural light that comes streaming in through the wall of windows in the morning. though i’ve seen both my moms and my friends a handful of times this week, i’ve mostly spent it alone—recharging, as all introverts do, with a bit of quiet time. i’ve walked the city with my airpods in, sat at my desk and taken interviews and written emails and scrolled on pinterest. i’ve written an essay about aging and families that i plan to share with paid subscribers next week. i’ve submitted a snippet of book #2 to my writing group (i’m up next for critique in mid-november!). i’ve sat at cafes and ordered numerous lattes. but mostly, i’ve just embraced the beauty of being in a city that vibrates with an altogether different energy than new york.

on my last two trips to mexico city, i was here for a month. i had friends visit here and there, but for the most part, i was on my own. this trip has been different. it’s been shorter, and the time has been spent not solo, but with my family, and with my friends. it’s a beautiful thing to share a place you love with people you love, but it’s reminded me just how much i cherish my alone time—even when i’m using it for something as stupid as scrolling on instagram.

one of the things i’ve been most surprised by since leaving my corporate job last february is just how much i appreciate slowness. i thought i’d struggle to fill my time, that i’d feel bored, or unproductive, or lonely. but i’ve felt those emotions sparingly, if at all. on the contrary, i’ve found that i can be perfectly content with working hard one day, and focusing solely on the things that make me happy the next. that is, i could spend 8 hours at my computer on a monday, and spend tuesday doing but working out, listening to podcasts, and cooking nice meals.

it’s not always easy to go through life as a single person—but there is a singular kind of bliss that comes with being able to design your days entirely on your own. and this trip has reminded me of that. i love that i was able to share this place with the two women who have given me everything. but i also love being here without them. being here all on my own.

i always try to end these intros with a pretty little bow, but this week, i find i don’t have one. i love my family but also i can’t be with them all the time? i love my friends but also love my alone time? or perhaps it’s this: that the best life is one comprised mostly of compromise. time with our people, and time with ourselves.

if we’re lucky enough to strike that balance, we really can have it all.

friends: if you genuinely enjoy this newsletter, will you a) tap the little heart at the bottom and b) consider sharing it on your IG stories or forwarding along to a friend?

i continue to be so humbled and grateful that you’re here. that you read, and comment, and every so often, send me a thoughtful email or leave an encouraging comment. if you've not yet subscribed, might you consider doing so?

and now for this week’s recs.

what if i told you this podcast episode was 6 hours long? and that it was worth it? i got turned on to the acquired podcast by

Kayla Douglas

, who featured one of their eps on her sunday series a few weeks ago. i’ve since listened to a handful of episodes, and have been surprised by how much i like learning about the behind the scenes business savvy of some of the world’s most famous companies. such was certainly the case with this week’s episode on meta (formerly known as facebook)—a company that forever changed the world as we know it. as a true millennial, i’m of a generation that remembers life before the internet—and also, early life with it. i remember the high pitched screech of early dial-up, remember curating my away messages with the utmost care and the emo-est song lyrics. i remember you’ve got mail! and chatrooms.

and, of course, i remember when skidmore, the college i attended, got facebook. it was a novelty—all of your friends! online! in one place! but what i remember most vividly is the moment facebook introduced photos. it was a revelation! i still recall logging onto facebook and seeing that eli stonberg, my high school friend, had posted AN ENTIRE ALBUM OF PHOTOS on his facebook page. gone were the days of kodak gallery albums (the way we used to share photos online pre-2005).

millennial_misery

A post shared by @millennial_misery

suddenly, facebook albums were everything, and everywhere. i curated my album titles full of inside jokes, never attended a night out in college without my hot pink canon powershot dangling from my wrist. i look at those albums now, and cackle. they’re a series of the same party photo over and over and over again. now, with the proliferation of photo-centric apps (instagram, which meta bought years ago, being the prime example), it feels impossible to imagine a world in which we didn’t share photographic evidence of everything we did. but back then, online photos were a novelty.

all of this is to say: facebook was a singular invention. meta is a singular company. and their story is fascinating—even if you’re not someone who’s big into social media or who works in an adjacent space like i do. i listened to nothing but this 6+ hour podcast for days on end, and enjoyed every single moment of it.

listen here

other podcast eps i enjoyed this week: this episode of culture study all about booktok, this every single album episode about the final leg of the eras tour (!), and this work in progress episode with the jojo levesque.

i’ve been saving this book for a spooky autumn read, and man was it worth the wait. it’s billed as a slow-burn thriller, and it is that. but it’s also got some of the best character development and scene-building i’ve read in a minute.

it’s 1975, and america is in the throes of change. the vietnam war is ending. the country is headed for a recession. regan-era politics are afoot. and in the small town of monta clare, missouri, girls are disappearing.

when misty meyer, the town’s richest daughter, is targeted, an unlikely hero emerges: patch—named for the eye patch he wears over a missing eye—the son of a troubled single mother and the best friend of a spunky girl named saint. patch saves misty from the worst of fates, and nearly trades his life for hers. misty escapes, and patch is taken…to a underground cellar so dark he knows not whether it’s day or night.

as the town plunges into despair, saint searches for her best friend, solving the mystery even when the police won’t. and when she finally finds her friend, he is returned to her forever changed. he tells her of a girl who was kept underground with him, a girl named grace. a girl he will stop at nothing to find—even at the expense of the ones he loves, and the ones who love him.

i’m about 50% into the book, and i can’t put it down. it’s a literary saga that spans both genres and decades—a serial killer thriller that’s also a love story that’s also a missing persons story, but with a twist. i’ve seen this book on nearly every fall book list, and now i know why: it’s truly excellent. if you like a slow burn, and appreciate strong character development, do not miss this book!

get it on bookshop | get it on amazon

ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read upwards of 60 books a year!)

the last few minutes of season finale of lidia poet = one of the most iconic television scenes i watched last year. i paused it, then rewound it, then watched it again. and again. and again. it was set to florence and the machine’s king—one of my favorite songs of the last few years and one that never fails to make me cry—and it was such a powerful display of feminine badassery that it, too, made me cry.

the final episode opens with the arrest of lidia’s friend and former lover jacopo, who has been accused of murder. despite a prosecutor’s attempt to force a confession from him, jacopo has stood firm, and asserted his innocence. lidia, knowing in her heart that he could not have done it, convinces her brother enrico, a lawyer (a profession lidia herself has been denied, despite attending law school and passing italy’s equivalent of the bar), to take the case.

together, lidia and enrico delve into the seedy underbelly of turin’s brothels, uncovering a web of deceit and political corruption that runs multiple layers deep, and puts both lidia and her brother in danger. as she races against time to save jacopo from the gallows, she discovers secret upon secret—both about him, and about the city she was raised in, and loves.

her triumph in saving jacopo is bittersweet—though she manages to prove his innocence, her glory is overshadowed by the court’s continued refusal to recognize her as a lawyer.

as the episode concludes, lidia stands in the town square, torn between two lovers—one who has offered to bring her to america, where she might be free to practice law; the other who she has just saved. she has not been recognized by the courts, but she has been recognized by a sea of women and journalists, all of whom are chanting, thank you, lidia poet. it is here that flo’s king kicks in.

rewatching the scene now to share with you, i just cried again. which is to say: season 2 of lidia poet is here, and if you missed season one, you should start there. but if you like stories about badass women doing badass things, don’t miss this show. it didn’t get enough hype when it first debuted (it’s in italian, but you can watch it with subtitles), but it was truly excellent, and i implore you to watch it.

watch it here

psst! if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on IG stories or substack notes—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️

since i’m not cooking at home at the moment, i thought i’d pivot, and share 3 of my favorite cafes here in cdmx. the city has an excellent and thriving cafe culture, full of delicious coffees and flaky pastries. and unlike new york, most have outdoor seating, free wifi, and are happy to let you order one thing and sit for hours with your laptop. if you find yourself in the city, here are the spots i recommend.

quentin cafe. quentin is my neighborhood go-to, and i think many would say the same. it’s perched on avenida amsterdam, a quiet, leafy street, off the circular running path the snakes around parque mexico. quentin makes excellent lattes, but don’t leave without trying the chocolate croissant (or any of their baked goods, really).

cafe milou. located down the street from lardo, one of my favorite restaurants in condesa, cafe milou is pictured above, and is the perfect spot to head for a slightly bigger breakfast. their pastries are excellent, and you could certainly just get those—but i like to order their eggs and toast, which are always perfectly cooked and well-seasoned.

cicatriz. more of an all day cafe/bar/restaurant than a true coffee shop, cicatriz is located on a small plaza in juarez, and tends to be poppin’ from day to night. in the morning, go for coffee. midday, go for a salad and a juice. come afternoon, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, and cicatriz serves excellent wine. i’ve had multiple meals here, spent multiple afternoons here, and it never fails to delight.

ps: if you want more cdmx recs, i’ve linked my guides below! those are for paid subscribers, and they’ve got a google maps list with nearly 200+ of my fave places here linked within.

do i have any holiday parties on the calendar? no sir, i do not. but i plan to order this sequin dress anyway, because if you build it, they (the event invites) will come, right?! plus, it’s $50, in THE color of the season (love you, chocolate brown), and it’s JUST SO FUN. i firmly believe in buying the thing you love now and finding a place for it later, so this baby is happily sitting in my shopping cart, and i intend to check out as soon as i return to the states. if you, too, are on the hunt for the perfect sparkly holiday party outfit (or even new years eve!), snag this.

get it here

just for fun, a few things i enjoyed on the internet this week:

rebranding the jersey shore (i am OBSESSED with this newsletter/series!)

author iman hariri-kia’s wedding (featured in vogue) is oh so dreamy

my internet friends aliza and aja published this excellent piece on women taking their husband’s last names (and vice versa)

psst! coming soon: AMA, the long form edition.

i’ve been toying with various ideas as to how i can make the free friday newsletters even better for the kind folks who support my writing with a monthly $5 payment. i’d love to test out a Q&A series. they’re always super popular on instagram, and i often find i run out of space to answer—especially when it comes to the meatier questions.

so! if you’d like to ask me a question (travel! life! dating! work! anything, within reason!), please submit it below. there, you can also up-vote the q’s from others. i’ll try and answer 1-2 per week going forward.

ask me anything

❤️ and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on stories—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️