5 things: holy heat wave
what to cook when it's 100 degrees outside. plus: my summer bucket list, my latest netflix binge, and a big ol' catch-up Q&A (GLP-1s, dating, style advice, and more!)
happy holiday weekend, friends!
if you, like me, live anywhere along the eastern corridor, you’re sweating your way through the most intense heatwave we’ve had in a minute. central park reached 100 degrees yesterday; when i went out earlier to buy another can of paint (more on that in a moment!), my phone alerted me that it was 98 degrees outside before telling me kindly to put it away because it needed a moment to cool down. it is HOT HOT HOT out there, the hottest it’s been in recent memory (and likely in decades). i feel lucky to have not just a roof over my head but one with working (window) AC units, plentiful drinking water, and multiple fans. outside might be steamy, but inside, i am cool and content. i’m traveling home to massachusetts to see my mommas mid-next week, so i opted to stay put in new york this weekend. many of my friends have escaped the city for the holiday (can you blame them?!) but a handful of us are here, which means i have what is, to me, the perfect weekend:
today (friday, july 3rd): as i write this, a taskrabbit is painting my bedroom (!!). if you follow me on instagram, you know i’ve been debating painting it pink, and after much back and forth re: the right color (and whether to splurge on farrow & ball), i decided to go for calamine! i spoke to both a painter and the guys at my local hardware/paint store, both of whom told me farrow & ball is beautiful, but (put kindly) a total PITA to work with, and not worth the money. color-matching, they said, would get me pretty damn close—for 1/3 of the price. i’ve always been a ben moore gal (most of my apartment is ben moore’s stonington grey, a color i chose a decade ago and one i still love!), and watching the color-matched version go up in my bedroom at this very moment, i feel quite happy with my choice. at the last moment, i decided to paint my bathroom, too (eeep!). that one will be a light blue, ben moore’s summer shower. i’ll spend tonight airing out the room and then putting it back together (i should probably wait 24 hours to rehang my art, huh?).
tomorrow (saturday, july 4th): my 4th plans are decidedly low key—i’ll be heading to some friends’ for a hang/lunch/dinner sitch that involves just the 3 of them + me (everyone else from our crew is out of town!). i’m honestly thrilled to have such a chill situation on deck, and am contributing potato salad, coleslaw (first time making it!), and two of these adorable american flag cakes that i saw on IG and decided i had to recreate. if you need a recipe for your upcoming BBQ, scroll down: i’ve got you!
i’m hoping to spend the morning packing up my next set of boat tote orders, which were a sleeper hit and are being restocked this evening (and by that i mean, i ordered more and they’re set to arrive today!). that way, they’ll be ready to drop at the post office first thing monday, and in your hands by next week! i’ve officially gotten into a rhythm of packing orders, printing labels, adding the (free, so cute i am obsessed with them!) stickers, etc. and i gotta say: it feels good. I LOVE MAKING STUFF! ICYMI, all the deets re: my limited line of tote bags are in the post below. things are selling fast, and i imagine i won’t do a restock ‘til later this summer, so snag ‘em while you can!
for those who’ve ordered, i’d LOVE if you’d tag me on instagram when yours arrives (and when you take it out in the world!).
sunday, july 5th: a few girlfriends and i booked pool loungers at bathhouse in williamsburg, and i decided to splurge on a massage before pool time. i’ll bike over the bridge early (like..930am early!) sunday morning, get my massage, explore the sauna/facilities, then head on up to the rooftop pool for our 12-3 reservation. i’ve got multiple new books (i think i’ll start with the shampoo effect by jenny jackson) cued up on my kindle, annnnd i bought a bag of salt & vinegar chips at trader joe’s. what more could a girl need?!
all in all, it is, as i said, a practically PERFECT weekend. i mean, i suppose it would be more perfect if it wasn’t 100 degrees outside but beggars can’t be choosers and hey, at least we’ve got sunshine. it’s shocking to me that we’ve already arrived at july—so i took some time this morning to put together a lil summer bucket list (slightly slutty summer included).
tell me: what’s on yours?!
before we dig into our recs, we’re long overdue for a Q&A.
i solicited questions both here on substack (in the group chat + in private DMs), as well as on instagram. the first few questions will be visible to all; the rest will be visible to paid subscribers only.
what we’re covering: first date exit strategies, best international beach vacations, GLP-1s (my experience, side effects, etc.), what to do if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, renovation choices, finding your personal style, and more.
what’s the best international beach vacation you’ve been on (looking for birthday trip!)?
oh gosh, i’ve been lucky to see so many beautiful beach-y vacations. if i had to choose (especially for a birthday trip), i think my number one rec would be isla holbox, mexico. it’s a bit of a pain to get to (plane > 2 hour drive > 20 minute ferry), but it’s so worth it. there are no cars on the island, just golf carts. not that you need them (beyond when you get picked up with your luggage!). it’s easy to walk from one end of the island to the other, and many hotels (lots of new beach hotels have sprung up since i first started visiting a decade ago) have beach cruisers you can borrow to ride along the roads. after CDMX, holbox is my favorite place in mexico. i think it’s incredibly special, oh so relaxing, and would make for an incredible birthday trip (by yourself or otherwise!).
if you’re looking to ball out, my other rec is a greek island trip—paros, santorini, milos (i’ve been to the first two, the third is on my list). THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WATER I’VE EVER SEEN!
do you have a planned exit strategy on first dates if you need/want an out?
i’m lucky to say i’ve never been on a date so terrible that i truly felt i couldn’t stick it out for one drink. that said: a person can drink a glass of wine rather fast if need be! i remember a guy i went out with last summer—we were sitting at le dive, sipping on slightly sweating glasses of orange wine, when he told me his brain is rather “quiet” when he’s not in a conversation with someone. i forget how we got on this topic, but i remember that we had gotten there naturally. intrigued, i asked him what he meant.
sometimes my mind is just blank, he said. like, i have no thoughts.
i nearly choked. NO THOUGHTS?!??! I HAVE ONE MILLION THOUGHTS AT ALL TIMES! MY THOUGHTS COMPETE WITH ONE ANOTHER IN AN IMAGINARY BOXING RING!
tell me more, i said. i was trying to seem curious rather than judgmental (who knows if i succeeded).
i just don’t think that much, he said. so a lot of the time, there’s just quiet up there. no thoughts.
this man. THIS MAN! when i tell you i finished my glass of wine, offered to split the check, then told him it was lovely to meet him and i hoped he had a nice rest of his evening SO FAST…
look: i’m sure it’s nice to have a quiet brain, but also: NO THOUGHTS?! sir. i beg you. MORE THINKING PLEASE.
tldr: if you feel you genuinely need an escape route, excuse yourself to the bathroom, then say a friend or fam called and you have to go. if you’re just not feeling it, finish the drink, chalk it up to meeting a (hopefully) interesting person, and go along your merry way.
note: this is why i like first drinks in my hood—then i’m not cranky i schlepped elsewhere for someone i didn’t enjoy.
how do you figure out or feel confident with what your personal clothing style is? i’m beyond bored and uninspired but i also have no idea where to start.
this probably sounds obvious, but: start by noticing what you notice. we’re so over-satured with content (shopping and otherwise!) at this point that it’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed by pinterest and online shopping. so! keep an eye out for the things that go ping in your heart. that is to say: when you see a dress in a window that you like, snap a photo. when you see someone wearing something fun, compliment their outfit, then ask them where they got it (people love to share!). when you see an outfit you like on IG, screenshot it. start saving those things to a folder on your phone, then when you’ve got a quorum, look for patterns. do you like, well, patterns? do you like bright colors? are you craving lighter, looser fabrics, or things with more tailoring? the older i get, the more i want to feel chic, yes, but also COMFORTABLE. i don’t wear heels, i don’t wear a ton of makeup, but i do favor pops of color (in both clothing and accessories), fun sneakers, etc.
having ZERO sense of your current closet and style, here are a few pieces i’d recommend for summer (that could carry into fall). categories include:
slightly more interesting jeans
a pair of easy linen pants that also have a fun waistline detail
fun sunnies, bags that can tote it all + the very best fanny pack/go everywhere bag money can buy (a fun color = makes the outfit)
matching sets (mix and match ‘em!)
a printed maxi
graphic & striped tees (mix and match with all your various pant and short styles, thrown them over a bathing suit at the beach, etc.)
fun shoes (red sandals, sambas with a twist!)
one sexy-ish “going out top” (fringe!)
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and now for our recs!
i loved this interview with belle burden on books, beach, & beyond. elin structured her conversation with the memoirist so thoughtfully, splitting it into thirds: before the book, about the book, and after the book came out (aka, the fallout/backlash against burden as a privileged woman who should’ve known better). i know people have mixed feelings about strangers, but i thought it was beautifully written and an incredible reminder for women to GET THEIR HOUSE IN ORDER (vs leaving all the money stuff to their husband—even if they love him!!), and was thrilled to see her pop up on BB&B. hearing her talk about how she always wanted to be a writer, but became a lawyer because one random guy told he she couldn’t write was both hilarious and horrible, and i loved elin’s sassy retort about her time at iowa (the most prestigious MFA program in the country), where she was also told she’d never get published (L OH L). it was also fun to hear a bit more of a behind the scenes take on the screen adaptation of strangers—how it came to life, meeting gwyneth, etc. even if you didn’t love this book, i think you might enjoy the conversation. at its simplest, it’s two writers talking about writing, and two women talking about being women. it’s a goodie!
ps: other podcasts i enjoyed this week included this popcast interview with gracie abrams (i found her rather self-aware for her age!), this episode of nyt’s the book review podcast re: yesteryear, this episode of the daily on why americans will, going forward, get less help paying for college (i didn’t pay off my student loan debt ‘til the year i turned 30!), and this rather illuminating episode of the mel robbins podcast on how to eat and exercise for a longer & healthier life.
growing up, my mom pretty much exclusively legal thrillers by john grisham and the like. she’d keep stacks of small paperbacks on her nightstand, getting through 20 minutes or so before bed—after working a full day as a physician, coming home for dinner, and then returning to her desk to “do her charts.” in her retirement, she’s become both an avid and much more diverse reader. my mommy loves to (jokingly) complain that my mom “always has her headphones in, listening to a book”—and it’s true! these days, she plows through book after book after book. she reads many of the books i recommend here, and now, i get to share one of her recs with you! she told me she really enjoyed the lion women of tehran and thought i would too. it took quite some time to come in at the library, but now that it’s arrived, it’s been in my airpods all week long. i’m about 30% in (it was a heavy podcast week!) but so far, i’m really liking it.
tehran, 1950s. 7-year-old ellie lives in luxury, never wanting for anything. but when her father dies young, ellie and her mother are forced to move to a smaller home downtown, a home (and neighborhood) her mother is endlessly ashamed of. ellie bears the brunt of her mother’s grief and frustration, and longs for a friend to alleviate her isolation.
so when, on the first day of school, she meets homa, a boisterous girl with an irrepressible spirit, the two become fast friends. homa’s parents don’t have much, but their home is warm and welcoming—the opposite of ellie’s. they spent years together, homa and her parents more family than friends. but when ellie’s mother remarries, uprooting them yet again, back to their borgeious life, the girls lose touch.
that is until one day, homely homa shows up at ellie’s fancy highly school, thrilled to see “her best friend.” ellie is embarrassed of her, then ashamed to be embarrassed. but it’s no matter: soon, homa has won over all of ellie’s friends, and the teacher’s too. now, all that stands between the girls are their plans for the future. once, they dreamed of pursuing meaningful futures, becoming “lion women” in tehran. but as the turmoil in iran reaches a breaking point, their friendship does, too.
get it on amazon | get it on bookshop.org
ps: if you’re a big reader, check out the library—a full archive of all the books i’ve recommended here on big feelings, sorted by genre and mood!
it seems i am in a low brow phase of television watching. because this week, i positively devoured OASIS, a soapy spanish netflix show about about rich teens (well, rich people) behaving badly. when dani heads to a luxury resort for the first time with his family, the last thing he expects is to get caught up in a police investigation. but when celia, the beautiful hotel concierge he spots from his first moment in the lobby (and later makes out with in surf, because OF COURSE) is kidnapped on the grounds, dani turns amateur sleuth. the hotel goes into lockdown and everyone—from VIP millionaires to staff struggling to make ends meet—is questioned by the detectives. desperate to find celia before the worst happens, dani forms an unexpected alliance with her best friend, helena (who he also makes out with, because OF COURSE), and the two race against the clock to save their friend. it’s absurd, with dozens of plotlines that make no sense (so many teens behaving badly sans parental supervision! so many corrupt cops!), and yet: i loved it! if you liked outer banks, this one’s for you.
psst! if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on IG stories or substack notes—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
i told you i had you covered for tomorrow’s BBQ, and i did not lie: because this pasta salad is EPIC. i can’t take credit for it, because i spotted it in last week’s issue of Platonic Love—but i can tell you that i adapted mine ever so slightly and think my adds improved it! follow the recipe here, but if you want sarah’s version, also add:
1-2 zucchini, chopped into bite-size pieces and lightly sauteed on the stove
1 cup halved cherry tomatoes (see if you can find the colorful heirloom kind!)
1 can of tuna (drained) for protein (you could put this on the side if you have vegetarians in your midst, but i felt it added something special—and yay protein!)
also: i went only for the grated sheets of parm vs. the burrata, and didn’t add the prosciutto. the result was a bit lighter, which felt right for this weather!
three of my besties have birthdays in july, so i have been (gift) shopping up a storm! i’m nearly done with assembling each of their (very different) gifts, but stumbled upon this canvas tote in the PERFECT summer blue and had to order it for one of them (i don’t think she reads this, but kimmie, if you are—pretend you didn’t see this!). kimmie is a mom of two who works a VIJ (very important job) at the de young museum in san francisco, so she is ALWAYS on the go. she’s also flying cross-country with her hubs and kids in august for their annual jaunt back east (during which we all try and convince them that the east coast is better than the west coast and DON’T THEY WANT TO MOVE HOME?!?), and i feel this would make an excellent airplane bag. fits a ton, but also fits under your seat, you know?! i’m tempted to buy one for myself, too.
before you go, here are a few things i enjoyed on the internet this week:
i am not into the MSG wedding of my girl taylor, but i did enjoy this piece on mayor mamdani’s top tswift tracks - he’s got some deep cuts in there!
are “exercise snacks” (see also: the mel robbins pod i recommended above) the best thing for your joints?
i loved this feature on cup of jo re: summer swimsuits. SUCH incredible diversity across the board! bravo, CoJ team!
s’mores cookie bars?! YES PLEASE. related: shouuuuulllldd i try and make s’mores ice cream?!?!
who what wear’s beauty 100 has some truly excellent picks. add to cart, add to cart, add to cart!
come add your summer reading recs to this thread (i started it off with 6 of mine).
can’t wait for Ina Garten’s new podcast!
❤️ and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on stories—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
That pasta salad look incredibleeee x
I relate so hard to the 10, 5, and now life advice you shared - thanks for answering my question 😊 Here for the summer goals as well, especially the (slightly) slutty summer and wine spritz (please share when you perfect a recipe!).