5 things: creativity as rest
BTS of bringing my big feelings totes to life! plus: two highly bingeable thrillers, delish sunday scones, hunter biden speaks out, and more.
happy weekend, friends!
after an overly social last week/weekend, the last 7 or so days have been all about course-correcting for me. the older i get, the more i realize: i may enjoy social situations, i may love my friends, i may love my city, but i am an introvert at heart. the amount of socializing i did between last friday and saturday (coupled with the handful of weeknight social plans i had leading up to that) nearly took me out. i spent all of sunday solo, first with a walk up to the farmer’s market in tompkins square park and then an afternoon of cooking where i made multiple breakfast recipes and a delicious dinner. i did multiple loads of laundry and cleaned my apartment, then tackled the sort of once-in-a-blue-moon cleaning tasks that always take a back seat, like cleaning my range hood and wiping down my kitchen cabinets with a mixture of warm water and dawn dish soap. while i did this, i listened to an audiobook—don’t worry, the rec is below!—one i started and then could not put down (turn off). by the time monday morning rolled around, i felt like i’d restored a bit of balance.
still, i took it relatively easy after work. i had a date on monday night, and therapy on tuesday, but beyond that, i spent my evenings cozy on the couch, cuddled up with the cats, working on the very project i intend to tell you about today:
the big feelings shop!
that’s right, friends: totes are coming oh so soon! i know not everyone is interested in a behind the scenes of setting up a (very small) merch biz, so please feel free to skip right on down to this week’s recs if that’s you—but for those who like a sneak peek (i know i do), here’s a bit of background.
as you may recall, i had a month off between old job + new.
most people probably would have used that time to rest up—to recharge their batteries by sleeping in, or staying up late, or going on daily adventures. i, in true capricorn fashion, recharged my batteries by taking on an entirely new creative project: making a small run of tote bags designed to help the readers of this newsletter bring their big feelings on the go. i worked my last day at old job on april 10th. the next monday, i dove in headfirst to figuring out how i could re-dedicate myself to this newsletter, which has been a creative practice, an emotional lifeline, and maybe even (someday!) a parachute out of corporate life. i brainstormed ways to give paid subscribers special content. i wrote a series of longer form personal essays (i’ve always reserved this for paid subscribers—paywall feels safer, and it gives those folks something special!). and i began to let myself dream about something i’ve long wanted to do: make a series of tote bags bearing the big feelings name.
this might sound absurd, but i’ve long been obsessed with merch. years ago, when i was working on plan b at my day job, i made an entire pinterest board filled with cool merch, and begged our account team to let me present it to the client (side note: i still think plan b merch would/could be epic!!). having no real business of my own, i’ve never had the opportunity to make a series of fun branded products. but i’ve always wanted to! in my dreams, the big feelings totes are just a starting point. come autumn, we’ll have beanies, and maybe a series of insulated coffee mugs. down the line, i’d love nothing more than to make a line of candles, each one representing a mood or feeling. product creation—making something you can hold in your hands, not just read on your screen—feels like the next evolution of this little brand i’ve spent the last 5 years building. but, well, one step at a time.
and so, totes it is! for now, at least.
the big feelings shop will launch with three key products, and one limited edition one (with more to come each season!). over the last month and a half, i’ve spent hours each week working on the tote launch. i’ve sourced vendors: ordered samples to ensure that my brand colors could be accurately captured in print, that my art could be printed big and bold across the bags (vs. a tiny logo-sized printing area—the bane of my existence during the sourcing process!). i’ve researched and tested canvas weights, including a round that didn’t make the cut because the canvas was too flimsy. i wanted packable, yes, but also, sturdy enough to not feel like a freebie you got a shitty sales conference.
i’ve tested 10+ iterations of the design: different ways into utilizing both my signature serif font and my sophisticated script one. i’ve looked at color variants, and bold vs. non-bold typefaces. i’ve chatted with sales reps online and on the phone. i’ve sourced packaging materials that feel elevated enough to match the brand without damaging the earth (for now, i’ll be shipping everything from my home, utilizing kraft paper mailers that can be recycled or reused). i’ve researched domestic shipping and international shipping, vacillated between a third-party vendor that can integrate with shopify to get slightly cheaper shipping rates and shopify’s native functionality, which required my investment in a tiny printer designed specifically for small biz owners.
i’ve ideated and executed a (small) photoshoot alongside my creative partner hannah, who gave up a couple of hours late wednesday afternoon to take advantage of the evening sunshine and help me bring my product imagery to life. to do so, i scoured the internet + social for inspiration shots, then put together a series of moodboards + a shotlist broken out by location (helloooo, creative director brain!).
if you’re thinking, damn sarah, that’s…a lot.
a lot of time, a lot of brain power, a lot of money invested…you’re right. it is! but honestly?! working on this project over the last 6 weeks has gotten my brain buzzing in a way it hasn’t buzzed in years. i wholly and fully believe that creative projects like this one are what keep my writerly brain, my creative brain sharp. some of this is truly creative, yes—like designing the bags themselves, designing the packaging that goes along with them—but a lot of it is more like creative problem-solving. in the last (nearly) 20 years working in advertising, i’ve come to realize: i love creative problem-solving just as much as i love making actual creative. i love examining an issue from all angles, tugging at the corners like taffy to see how we can make them sing. i love figuring something out. i love that i was able, with my own two hands and my own two eyes and my own beating heart, to literally create a (potential) business from nothing. six weeks ago, i had an idea.
next week, i’ll have a product line. a tiny one, sure, but a product line nonetheless. i’ll have a shopify store i built entirely with my own brain (and, okay, a lot of googling re: how the heck to do things!). i’ll have a shipping system, and a label printer, and multiple giant boxes of tote bags i hope will find their way to fellow empaths across the country and maybe even all over the world! have i been “resting”? not really!
but i have been creating, which often feels the same as rest to me.
if all goes well, the big feelings shop will launch next wednesday, july 1st. mark your calendars! bffs (aka paid subscribers) will get a special announcement email, along with a discount code, as well as early access, as a thank you for supporting my creative pursuits and big dreams. i imagine something (or a few somethings) will go wrong during launch week—ie, the shopify site will fail me in some unforeseen way, i’ll realize my printer doesn’t work the way i’d hoped, etc.—so i’ll say now: this is my first time doing this, and i hope you’ll give me a bit of grace as i work out the inevitable kinks. i am a wee bit worried about pulling this off, but also:
I AM SO EXCITED! i had an idea, i made that idea come to life in a way that feels fully big feelings (and hopefully ever so slightly CHIC, too), and soon, a series of tote bags bearing my brand’s name will be trekking their way to grocery stores and farmer’s markets and offices and libraries across the country. HOW INCREDIBLY COOL!!
none of this would be possible without you all—the readers—being here. subscribing, clicking the link when i post it to instagram stories or opening the email when it arrives in your inbox. interacting, leaving comments, sending me kind emails and DMs when something resonates with you. it is never, ever lost on me that this newlsetter—which i wholeheartedly believe is small but mighty—is not just a creative practice that keeps my writerly brain sharp but also, a special little corner of the internet that reminds me that people are good, and kind, and full of feeling. it remains my goal to grow big feelings, both as a newsletter and as a brand, which is why i do annoying things like ask you to subscribe, or hit the “heart” icon, or share this week’s issue with others. and maybe, just maybe, these totes are another way to do that. if not, they’re a very expensive experiment. HA! but hey: at least they’re cute!
❤️ thank you, as always, for being here! ❤️
if you’ve got questions about the totes, leave them in the comments. i’ll get back to you there, and incorporate the answers in my launch email. now: let’s go forth and weekend!
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and now for our recs!
i really loved this episode of armchair expert with hunter biden. i don’t always love dax and monica’s dynamic, but this episode—in which they delve deep into the biden family’s tragic history and hunter’s addiction—this, i loved! hunter talks about growing up as delaware political royalty, surviving the horrific car accident that killed his mother and sister (can you imagine?!), and his descent into addiction. i was especially touched by the way he talks about his brother, beau, who showed him the type of incredible unconditional love everyone dreams of—even in the throes of addiction. i suppose this exposes a blind spot of mine, but i wasn’t aware just how much tragedy the biden family suffered. not that tragedy equals addiction, but…woof. i thought hunter came as incredibly intelligent, incredibly self-aware, and all-around just a good human (albeit one who will admit his addiction has caused him to do many things he regrets). if you’ve ever known an addict (or even if you haven’t), i’d recommend this one. it’s illuminating on many levels.
ps: other podcasts i enjoyed this week included this incredible culture study episode about boomer moms (i immediately sent it to multiple people!), this acquired deep dive into walt disney (i’m only an hour or so in, this may be my featured rec next week!), this wirecutter episode about the best tools for summer treats (shoutout to my fave cuisinart ice cream maker!), and this episode of call her daddy with olivia wilde.
the cover blurb does not lie—this one is the very definition of a page turner! i flew through it (via audiobook) in just 36 hours last weekend, after an overly social friday and saturday sent me into total seclusion on sunday. i did this one with my free spotify audiobook hours (premium members get 15 each month!), and highly recommend you do the same—it was excellent in the airpods! a hulu adaptation starring lindsay lohan and shailene woodley is forthcoming; they’ve been shooting in brooklyn over the last few months, which means now’s the time!
sloane caraway has always been a liar. mostly, her lies are harmless—the type that hurt no one, but make her small, boring life seem just a little bit more interesting. when she sees a little girl in tears at the park one afternoon, she can’t resist: she tells the very handsome dad she’s a nurse (she’s a nail tech), and helps him pull a bee stinger from the girl’s foot.
this is her first lie. but it’s the one that gets her in the door of lockhart family’s beautiful cobble hill brownstone. within a few days, she’s invited for dinner. within a few weeks, she’s the family’s nanny—and well on her way to being violet lockhart’s new best friend. in violet, sloane finds the friend she’s always wanted. one who doesn’t think it’s weird when sloane starts mirroring her clothes, her hair, her mannerisms. of course, violet doesn’t know her as sloane. violet thinks her name is caitlin. and violet, it turns out, might have some secrets of her own.
if you liked all her fault (which also recently got the adaptation treatment on peacock), i think you’ll enjoy this one. it’s got the same “rich people behaving badly” + “everyone’s a liar” vibes.
get it on amazon | get it on bookshop.org
ps: if you’re a big reader, check out the library—a full archive of all the books i’ve recommended here on big feelings, sorted by genre and mood!
if loving harlan coben netflix thrillers is wrong, i don’t want to be right. years ago, coben inked an (insane) deal with the streamer to turn dozens of his popular novels into thriller series, which means that we, the people, get a new coben show every year or so. bless! i know i keep talking about how my overly busy weekend/week did me in, but friends: it really did me in. so much so that i had barely any plans this week, save for a single date + my weekly therapy appointment. when i popped on my tv on tuesday evening and saw that i will find you had premiered (and was the #1 show on netflix because OF COURSE IT WAS), i was thrilled. i had to force myself to shut it off each night, and plowed through the entire series in 2.5 days. think you’re not a coben girl? i have two words for you:
MILO VENTIMIGLIA.
that’s right, nineties/early aughts heartthrob milo stars in this show, as does sam worthington—who, as the series opens, is escaping from prison after serving 5 years for the murder of his son, who he’s just learned might actually be alive. this show is a WILD ride, and i’ll tell you: i didn’t see the twist coming! and i watch a lot of thrillers, so often, i do. if you’ve watched it, tell me: did you guess?!
psst! if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on IG stories or substack notes—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
i woke up with a craving for scones last sunday. not the kind of overly sweet, highly sugar-y scones you’d find at starbucks, but the kind that lets the sweetness of the fruit shine through. this recipe from love and lemons fit the bill—especially once i decided to skip the glaze. i used fresh berries i had in my fridge, but i imagine frozen would work, too. and as you’ll see when you click into the recipe, i shaped mine with circular biscuit cutters vs. the traditional ‘pizza’ shape. they came together in about 15 minutes, chilled in the freezer for another 15, then baked up in 20ish (at which time my kitchen smelled positively incredible!). hot tip: don’t sleep on the grated frozen butter. this is key to achieving the soft of light, flaky scones we all dream of. ditto the freezer period—freezing the scones before you bake them helps cool the butter back down. cold butter = light, airy dough! i’m thinking i’ll make a mixed berry (blueberry and strawberry) batch next. YUM!
i’ve been stalking this perfect pastel-y dress for months, and earlier this week, it finally went on (super!) sale. what was once around $300 became mine for a mere $89, thanks to sale on sale situation at shopbop. these are my favorite type of shopping scores—the ones where i’ve held out for a discount and found that it was entirely worth the wait. the lace panels! the various colors! the linen! this is summer incarnate. i can’t wait to wear her in sardinia later this summer (and also just around new york city next week). sadly, the super sale version on shopbop is sold out in all sizes, but i’ve got great news! this exact style is nearly $100 off on the farm rio website—it’s currently sitting at $208 down from $298—and it’s available in all sizes! i went with a L; i likely could’ve squeezed my chest into a medium but a girl needs to be able to breathe, you know?
before you go, here are a few things i enjoyed on the internet this week:
i loved this nyt feature about a multi-generational ADU created by a father/daughter design duo.
the squeal i squealed when i saw that the sound of music is coming back to broadway in 2027! between that and the announcement that spring awakening is getting a long-overdue reboot, it’s going to be a good year for musical theater geeks.
did you, too, lose your shit over the dua lipa/callum turner wedding photos?! my god, what BEAUTY! the fact that they met because they were reading the same book is just icing on the cake.
i’m obsessed with both this song and this video (the dancers! the bodega cats!!!). brava, olivia.
this book is a favorite among my book club gals, and the just-released trailer for the movie adaptation looks incredible!
pick your favorite pied-a-terre in paris!
forever inspired by Jessie Randall. i love her “what i brought home from xyz place” travel series so much!
on my wishlist: this perfect summer lace matching set.
speaking of summer: one of my fave minidress purchases this season is on super sale! also on sale? THE sweatpant jeans (!!), aka the perfect travel pant.
❤️ and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on stories—so that big feelings can be seen by more people ❤️
Thanks for writing about your creative process with the tote bags. At first I thought I would skip it, and really, how hard could it be?! But as a fellow creative and someone who is very particular about my tastes and getting things right, I should have known better, LOL...this was eye-opening and inspiring! Kudos to you for your attention to detail and for bringing your vision to life. My New Yorker tote has popped a hole from my keys and is generally looking worse for wear so I'm taking this as a sign that it's time for a big feelings upgrade!
I’m so excited for the totes! 💞