5 things for friday (on thursday eve!)
the case for buying a sweatshirt with your pet's face on it, a perfect oatmeal cookie recipe, a virtual trip to paris via ruth reichl, and more
happy (almost) friday, friends!
*there’s something fun going live tomorrow morning, so i’ve decided to send out the friday newsletter on thursday night. happy reading!*
can you believe it’s may? i, for one, cannot. time feels like this flimsy, fleeting thing i cannot grab a hold of. it’s as though i blinked and two months flew by. i can’t believe i’ve been out of work for two whole months. when i left my job in february, i imagined i’d be working again by april 1st at the absolute latest—and that each day leading up to that one would pass by in an agonizingly slow drip of minutes. i figured i would be bored, that i would feel untethered to reality, that i would feel sad and unproductive and entirely too freaked out to stay unemployed for long. and for the first month or so, i did feel that way. not every day, but quite often.
but now, the dust has settled, and for the most part, i feel amazing. i feel happier than i have in years. years! it’s like the clouds have parted, like a weight has been lifted, like the fog has passed. i feel genuine, actual joy at the smallest of things—joy that was inaccessible to me just a few months ago. it is magical, and rare, and i am doing my damndest not to take this feeling for granted. i’ve been talking about this in therapy quite a bit—about the odd juxtaposition between knowing that my financial safety net is running out and that it is indeed time to get a job (or at the very least, time to find a way to bring in income again) and feeling like i dread going back to corporate america because i feel happy in a way i haven’t in a really long time. i thought i would hate this limbo, but now that i’m used to it, i don’t hate it even a little bit. i thought i’d have nothing to do each day; as it turns out, i’m excellent at filling my days all by myself.
i wake around 7, and make coffee. if it’s a tuesday or a thursday morning, i’m out the door by 7:30 for an 8am bar method class; if it’s monday, weds, or friday, i linger a bit before going for a run. my mornings are spent writing; i aim for 1k words/day but often hit more like 4000, sometimes even 6000. in the afternoons, i spend an hour or two in the job hunt process, whether that’s chatting with folks on linkedin, applying to new jobs, interviewing or talking to folks i know at the agencies i’m applying to. i work on this newsletter. i bake cookies, or scones, or lemon bars. when i find i’ve finished all of that early, i go for a long walk along the water. i take my book to the seaport and find a sunny spot in which to read. today, i went and saw a 2pm showing of the great gatsby on broadway. because i could.
it is not a money-making life (at least, not yet), but it is a good life. and this has me puzzled. because even though i needed to leave my job, i liked my job. i like the career i have chosen. i like being part of a team. but i am also realizing, for perhaps the first time in my adult life, that i also might enjoy something slower. something that is a little less focused on achievement and a little more focused on contentment. i feel torn between two selves: the self that likes to strive for greatness, the self that climbed the corporate ladder as best as her sensitive little heart would let her. the self that worked her butt off to make a salary that has given her a quality of life she enjoys—the ability to go out to nice meals, and buy nice things, and take nice vacations.
then there’s the self i am discovering now. the self that maybe doesn’t want to go into an office 3x a week. the self that doesn’t miss commuting, or the stress of new business pitches, or clients who tell you that you really should have put a comma in a place you know damn well did not warrant a comma, because hello, you are the writer in this situation, not them. the self that doesn’t miss inter-office politics, and the outsized egos of mediocre white men, and going above and beyond and beyond even that just to get a meager cost of living raise.
i have always considered myself ambitious, and for years, my job was a core part of my identity. but for the last few months, it hasn’t been. i’ve stripped myself of the title, and in the aftermath, i’ve realized that perhaps it’s not what i want anymore. that perhaps i can be ambitious in other ways—like in the work i am doing for myself, in the time and effort i am putting towards my writing, and this newsletter*.
if a literary agent emailed me tomorrow and said, i love this book, i see what you’re trying to do with this book, i can sell this book, i would see it as a sign. as the universe telling me, you’re on a different path now. and i would figure out how to buy myself a bit more time.
but no such email has arrived as of yet. such an email may never arrive. and in the meantime, the reality is that i do need to get a job. i don’t have an endless cushion. i’m running out the clock. so i’m working in the background to figure out how to balance the selves. maybe it looks like freelancing for a bit. maybe it looks like taking a full time job, and figuring out how the hell to separate my work life from my real life, how to invest a little less in my corporate identity. how to give just a few less fucks (i am a person who generally gives ALL the fucks, all the time).
i keep hoping i’ll have some big exciting update to share with you here. that one day, you’ll open up your inboxes and i’ll say, i got a job! i’m so excited about it. or, i got an agent! i can’t believe it. but for now, i continue to ride the waves. and to remind myself that the entire reason i took the plunge was to feel more joy. that happiness was the goal, and that goal, i have achieved. the rest? the rest will work itself out.
*speaking of this newsletter, i’ve been thinking of renaming it!
if you stumbled upon the newsletter via substack vs. instagram, you may not know that “the grand” was born out of my instagram handle, which was in turn born out of the fact that my little apartment is on grand street in new york city. when i first started the newsletter, i saw it as an extension my instagram presence, but over time, it’s evolved into so much more than that. and i’d like for it to have a name that reflects that. initially, i really liked the idea of calling it “big feelings” because i have so damn many of those. but alas, that substack is taken!
i have a backup option i’m excited about, and have a meeting on the books in mid-may with a graphic designer i’m hoping will help me bring it to life in a way that both elevates this newsletter and opens the door to new opportunities (i am DYING to make merch, having never succeeded in convincing my advertising clients to do so; i’d love to make a candle line some day…you know, big dreams). i’m in the beginning stages of that effort, but i’m hopeful i can share more in the coming months. in the meantime, though, i’d love to know your thoughts on the newsletter.
what do you love? what could you do without? what would you like to see more (if anything)?
friends: if you genuinely enjoy this newsletter, will you a) tap the little heart at the bottom and b) consider sharing it on your IG stories or forwarding along to a friend?
i continue to be so humbled and grateful that you’re here. that you read, and comment, and every so often, send me a thoughtful email or leave an encouraging comment. if you've not yet subscribed, might you consider doing so?
and now for our 5 fun things!
i love ruth reichl. the chef and food writer is responsible for one of my favorite memoirs, save me the plums, which chronicles her years at the helm of gourmet magazine. at the time she took the job, ruth was a beloved restaurant critic, a writer who had no desire in being anyone’s boss. but she’d loved gourmet—america’s oldest epicurean magazine—since she was 8 years old, so she said yes. the memoir follows ruth and the crew of editors and art directors who transformed gourmet from a rather stale staple to a cutting-edge publication for the pre-internet age. to hear ruth tell it, gourmet was bon appetit before it was the BA all us millennials know (and loved).
her latest book, while fictional, borrows from ruth’s real life. it’s called the paris novel, and it’s a love letter to her favorite places in the city. as she tells this is taste host matt rodbard, writing it was like “going to paris every day.” what a magical thing! she joined the podcast to talk all things parisien—from her go-to spots to what it was like to live there as an (american, jewish) child. reichl is a delight to listen to—kind, eloquent, effusive—and i can’t wait to read the new book.
i recently realized i had a big stockpile of audible credits to use, so i’ve been downloading audiobooks like crazy. my latest is this one, which i absolutely loved. carola lovering is such a talented writer, and her plotting is a straight up master class. this book is told in alternating perspectives, those of two women who, once upon a time, were the best of friends. it’s a brisk fall night in new york, and 35-year old billie hears terrified screams coming from the apartment above. the apartment where cassie, her best friend since high school, lives. cassie’s infant daughter has been kidnapped. and as billie looks down, she realizes she is the one who has taken her.
bye, baby is a twisty, suspenseful story about friendship, and the ways in which we lie to ourselves and others. i really enjoyed it, and caught myself marveling at lovering’s beautiful sentences and the ways in which she expertly creates both likeable and unlikeable characters (billie was the former for me, cassie the latter). if you’ve read it, i’d love to hear your thoughts!
ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read about 50-60 a year!)
i used to think i was a netflix girl, but right now, i am FULLY team hulu. at the moment, i’m working my way through we were the lucky ones (which is incredible), as well as under the bridge, which i featured in last week’s newsletter. and as soon as i finish, i’ll be moving onto the veil—a spy thriller starring the inimitable elizabeth moss. moss plays imogen salter, an MI6 agent who’s known to be ‘erratic and unpredictable.’ a spy thriller with an erratic and unpredictable strong female lead?! one that ‘explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women who play a deadly game of truth and lies?!’ it’s giving killing eve. SAY LESS, I AM IN. speaking of: if you’ve never watched killing eve, do that first, then report back for the veil. jodie comer is everything in that role, and sandra oh is a revelation.
the crowd went wild for this photo i posted on instagram earlier this week. and i don’t blame you, because who doesn’t love a cookie? (you know how some people are like, ‘must love dogs’? i’m like, ‘must love cats. and cookies.’). especially these cookies, which are an adaptation of my favorite oatmeal raisin recipe. instead of raisins, i opted for dried tart cherries (from trader joe’s!), and added in some chocolate and coconut for good measure. they are a perfect mix of tart and sweet, chewy and moist (sorry, but it’s true!), and will keep on the counter for weeks!
what you’ll need:
1 cup tart dried cherries (you could also use cranberries here, but cherries are sweeter)
1/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup coconut chips (i get the big ones at tj’s)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, slightly softened
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 large egg, plus 1 large egg yolk
2 1/2 tbsp light or dark corn syrup (this is what makes the cookies extra chewy!)
2 1/2 tsp vanilla extract (this is my favorite kind)
1 1/2 cup rolled oats
what you’ll do:
preheat the oven to 325F, and prep several baking sheets with silpats or parchment paper.
in a medium bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, and salt, then set aside. in a large bowl or in an electric mixer, beat together the butter and sugars ‘til light and smooth. then add the egg + egg yolk, along with the corn syrup, vanilla extract, and beat until well blended and fluffy (about 2 mins). beat in the flour mixture, then add the oats, cherries, chocolate, and coconut chips. make sure you’re not overbeating at the end! you just want everything to be mixed in evenly.
bake at 325 for 12-15 minutes (this depends on your oven, i start checking at 13 mins!), until the edges are lightly browned. transfer to a wire rack and let cool, then store in an airtight container. or, devour immediately, because they’re that good.
i’m going to say it: you do indeed need this sweatshirt with your pet’s face on it. i stumbled across these whilst searching for the perfect birthday gift for my friend hannah, who became a dog mama a little over a year ago. and while i did indeed order one for hannah (with chopper’s cute lil face on it!), i also ordered one for myself, because how could i not?! here’s how it works: you personalize your sweatshirt(s) with the year of your pet’s birth (the year they were “established”), the name you’d like across the top, and their initials, if you’d like, for the sleeve (my sleeve says PL 🤍 for penny lane). the shop sends you a mockup of the embroidered portion so that you can give feedback on your pet’s face; i had them make penny’s more heart-shaped, and chopper’s a bit darker after i saw the first round.
take it from the birthday girl, who, when i texted to ask if she a) had any photos of her wearing it and b) if i could use one of them for this week’s newsletter, said this:
gift-giving is my love language. that is all.
and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it with your network—so that the grand weekly can be seen by more people.
I just quit my corporate job this week and your experience is giving me hope that I will find the peace and contentment that I desperately want on the other side!
That sounds so lovely! This update made me happy