5 things for friday
on sucking the marrow out of life. plus: a podcast ep that made me cry, a comedy i genuinely enjoy, cookies! for breakfast! and more.
is it just me, or did this week simultaneously feel a million years long and fly by at the speed of light? i remember feeling this way often when i worked in an office (eons ago, pre-pandemic, can’t even imagine it now!), that short weeks often resulted in everyone feeling cranky and overworked; like there weren’t enough hours in their days. ostensibly, i have way more hours in my day than i used to—what with making my own schedule—but somehow, it doesn’t feel like it. it’s almost as though time is moving differently in this current reality, though i imagine, of course, that it’s more truthful to say that i am moving differently in my current reality.
yesterday, i listened to a podcast episode that talked about thoreau’s famous quote about “sucking the marrow out of life”—and about how we alone define what that marrow is. what it means to us to live a big life. is a big life ambition and career and busyness? is a big life sitting alone on the beach and reading our book, like i did on monday? this year has forced me to confront, again and again, and i want out of this life. what the marrow means to me. it has felt a bit like riding a rollercoaster. some days, i feel like i’m gliding through the freedom, my hands high in the air, feeling the wind tickle my cheeks. other days, it feels like a sudden drop in my stomach, like the bottom has disappeared out from under me, like i’m holding on for dear life.
it has been wonderful and horrible, exciting and terrifying, opportunistic and fatalistic all at once. i miss stability and a steady paycheck and an ever-growing 401k, but do i really want to go back to corporate america? i don’t miss the politics and the ladder-climbing and the egos and the unkindness. i like the freedom freelance life affords, but unpredictability is tough for me, and i hate not knowing if or when the work will hit next. i want a partner, but i find the men on the apps so goddamn disappointing, and yet here i am, going on dates, smiling through it—all of it—and telling myself it’s just a numbers game. i miss having a pet at home, my apartment vibrates with silence every time i step through the threshold, but am i really ready to get another cat?
i don’t have answers to any of these questions (nor do i expect anyone else to!). i feel, in some ways, satisfied with the knowledge that they’ll continue to haunt me, at least for the time being. that this is just how it’s going to be for a little while. 2024 is my gap year, of sorts. it’s not the year i planned, nor the year i wanted, but it is the year i’ve been given. the hand i’ve been dealt. and despite the turmoil, i still remain hopeful that there will come a day when i’ll look back and realize there was a reason for all of it. that i’ll return to this year in my memory and this, oof, that was a tough one, but i made it through. that with a little bit of distance, i’ll be able to see why it all unfolded as it did.
and in the meantime, i am focused on sucking the marrow out of life as best i can. i am booking travel like my life depends on it (perhaps my sanity does), taking the leap without knowing, exactly, what my life will look like when said travel arrives. earlier this summer, i booked 8 days in italy on the knowledge of an upcoming freelance gig and a prayer. last week, i booked a two-week house swap in mexico city (in my favorite neighborhood, how could i say no!?) in october. i have no idea what my life will look like then; my current gig wraps up when i leave for italy. i continue to interview for full time roles in hopes that i’ll find one that feels right. but i could not tell you what october holds, beyond the fact that i’ll spend the back half of the month in one of my favorite places on earth. it feels slightly dangerous, somehow irresponsible, to live this way. but then i remember: i am (thankfully!) making money. i can interview from anywhere, so long as i have a strong wifi connection.
because balance is important, i’ve also been focused on making the most of my time here in new york. being a tourist in my own city, if you will. since june, i’ve been down to the jersey shore twice, spent numerous days at rockaway beach (many have been solo trips, on days when i had no plans and figured i might as well soak up the sun). i’ve splurged on pool days at fancy williamsburg hotels. i’ve seen not one but two professional sporting events at citi field. i’ve flown across the country to see my california friends, and driven home to massachusetts to see my family. i’ve eaten chinese food in flushing and tiktok-famous burritos here on the lower east side. my friend bruce and i started what we affectionately call our “bougie brunch club” and have been working our way through a slew of new york restaurants we’ve never been to, but always felt we should.
i’ve read 55 books thus far this year, many while tucked into my bed at 10pm with blankets bundled around me, and many while sitting with my toes tucked in the sand. i’ve sent one novel to agents and another to readers, and i’ve faithfully written an issue of this newsletter (along with several personal essays) every week. i’ve gone out with many a dud, and a handful of folks with potential. i’ve spent sunny saturdays at the farmer’s market, filling my straw tote with an abundance of berries, have eaten cherry tomatoes like they’re candy, popping them into my mouth every time i pass through my kitchen. i’ve made coffees and cookies and so much watermelon salad it’s a wonder i’m not growing a watermelon in my stomach a la the magic schoolbus.
sometimes, a big life means jetting off to exotic places. and sometimes, it means making the most of the (incredible, vibrant, dirty and smelly but also amazing) city you call home. sometimes, a big life means getting married, or having babies, or watching those babies grow up and toddle off to their first days of school. and sometimes, it means feeling the bigness of doing it on your own, of waking up every day and designing your life, down to the letter, exactly as you’d like it to be. it’s not perfect, any of it, but there are so many perfect moments within. i’ve cried more tears this summer than i ever thought possible (and i’m a crier!). i’ve metaphorically beat my chest in frustration, have shouted why?! to the universe more times than i can count. why so difficult? why so trying? why so painful?
i don’t yet know. i might never know. but i do know that in between all the darkness this year—and especially, this summer—has brought me, there has been so much light. there have been weekends in which i have belly laughed until i was wheezing. just this past week, i found myself stunned into reverent silence by a whale that swam by rockaway beach.
it has not been perfect, but it has been full. and at times, beautiful, too.
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i had a reallllly good podcast week. so much so that i struggled to decide which episode to feature, because there were so many good ones. i landed on this one because it’s stuck with me for days now. it’s actually an older episode of talk easy, but i’m just now listening to it because i also can’t stop thinking about long island compromise, which i read and loved recently (more on that here!). i’ve long been a fan of sam fragoso’s interview style, but it really shines in this conversation with taffy brodesser-akner, the writer behind long island compromise, a little book you may have heard of called fleishman is in trouble, and a slew of incredible celebrity profiles.
my fellow swifties will recall that brodesser-akner penned an excellent article about the eras tour last october, an article in which she talks about the semi-religious experience that is attending a taylor swift concert, and in particular, the cathartic release that is hearing my tears ricochet played live. of that moment—and others in the show—she writes:
I’m not sure why it never occurred to me that there should be more songs about things that aren’t romantic love, why I never thought we deserved more examination of the complex emotionality of the parts of our lives that exist outside it. I’ll tell you, I never think about any of my ex-boyfriends, not ever. But I do think about the times I’ve been screwed over in business by the people who were supposed to be taking care of me. And I do think about the best friends I’ve lost in my lifetime — I wake with their memories over me. If I wrote songs, I’d write about that.
god, even that paragraph makes me emotional! recounting that moment with sam, taffy cries—as she did at the show—and then says something like, i don’t even know why i’m crying! that is the magic of taylor swift, and also the magic of taffy’s storytelling power. the woman can conjure not just a moment but a feeling.
BUT I DIGRESS. my point is this: fragoso is one of the best interviewers out there (up there with the hollywood reporter’s scott feinberg), and hearing he and taffy talk about writing and the power of storytelling had me feeling all sorts of ways. she has some really interesting insights on her role as a journalist (especially regarding this interview she conducted with bradley cooper) and i loved hearing about how her childhood inspired her, in many ways, to write long island compromise.
ps: i also really loved this episode of second life with broma bakery’s sarah fennel, and this bennifer breakup episode of lemme say this, a new-ish pod that has me cackling every single episode.
speaking of podcasts! i found out about this book from this episode of books, beach, and beyond with elin hilderbrand. in it, the SJP talks about her lifelong love of reading, and how it led her to create her very own imprint, SJP lit. women and children first is one of the first books SJP has released under her own shingle, and if it’s any indication of what’s to come, we’re in for a real treat. reminiscent of jennifer egan’s a visit from the goon squad, women and children first doesn’t follow a traditional narrative structure, but rather, expertly winds together the stories of ten women in a small new england town following a devastating accident.
a local teenager named lucy has died after falling from a roof during a party. did she jump? was she pushed? was it a true accident? the book is divided into before and after sections, and each new chapter brings with it a new narrator—all of whom have their own perspective on lucy’s death and the events leading up to it. while the stories do serve to “solve” the mystery, they also work to deepen it, revealing surprising secrets about the women who knew her. it’s beautifully written, and as soon as i finished it, i felt tempted to go back to the beginning and start again, if only to better understand all the easter eggs i felt certain i had missed.
in a time in which so much of what’s hitting in the book world feels formulaic, women and children first stood out as something different. it was a treat, and i can’t wait to see what alina grabowski does next.
or if you prefer, get it on amazon
ps: if you’re a big reader, follow me on goodreads! i try and rank/save every book i read (and i read about 50-60 a year!)
remember how a couple weeks ago, i said i kind of hate comedies? well, i stand corrected, because i forgot how much i love only murders in the building! i watched the first few episodes of season 4 earlier this week, and found myself genuinely laughing out loud (something i rarely do when watching tv) multiple times. i sort of fell off the wagon with season 3 (i love meryl, but somehow, it just didn’t work as well for me?!), but this season…this season is off to damn good start.
i love the angle of taking the podcast to hollywood, and casting eugene levy (as himself) to play steve martin is just…GOLD. i’m also always thrilled to see more jane lynch on my television screen, because her comedic timing is impeccable. and honestly? selena is funny! watching her earlier this week, i thought to myself, man, that woman can do it all. she can sing! she can act! she can produce! she can create an inclusive beauty line (that’s actually good)! like…is there anything she can’t do? i love me some biebs…but biebs could never multi-hyphenate the way selena multi-hyphenates.
ps: the trailer above tells me that kumail nanjiani will be in this season (he hasn’t appeared in the first few eps), and as a lifelong harold and kumar stan (TALK ABOUT A COMEDY I LOVE), this news thrills me. THRILLS ME!
i saw these cookies on cup of jo on wednesday morning. a mere 3 hours later, there they sat on my kitchen counter, freshly baked and oh so delicious. the recipe is by zoë françois, and though she calls them morning cookies, i’m here to tell you they’re excellent at any hour. i’m generally suspicious of ‘healthy-ish’ sweets; having dabbled with diet culture my whole damn life, i’ve made many a banana “cookie”—but these! these taste like REAL COOKIES! and they are, indeed, healthy-ish. you can find the whole recipe at the link below, but before you do, let me say: it feels like one of those ‘you could sort of do whatever you want’ recipes to me. i added a little bit of extra whole wheat flour because my dough seemed a bit too wet, and i chose cashews as my nut of choice but next time plan to mix a bunch together (cashews, walnuts, pecans—it’s a party!). mine also baked to golden faster than the recipe indicated (likely because my oven defaults to convection bake); i only needed 10 minutes as opposed to the called for 12-14.
i ate 2 of them nearly immediately, and have eaten another 4 or so since. jam-packed with goodness and surprisingly sweet considering there’s exactly zero cane sugar in them, i can’t recommend them enough. i can’t wait to riff on the recipe next time around!
these pants have been following me around instagram for weeks. weeks, i tell you! and today, i finally caved. mostly because the ad promises me i’ll never wear leggings again, and although i am a person who quite literally works in advertising and knows never to believe anything the internet tells me, i want to believe this! or at the very least, i want to believe that these will be a nice alternative to my leggings, should there come a day when i want to look ever so slightly more chic. they’re oversized, they’ve got a stretchy waistband that promises to be forgiving, and they’re made of my favorite material these days: linen. did i think to myself, my god, these pants would be positively perfect for italy? yes, i did. did i also think to myself, i should see if these are on poshmark? yes, i did.
and guess what? i got lucky! they were! in my size, new and never worn! they’re on their way to me as we speak, and i’m crossing fingers and toes that they’re as good as the reviews say they are. the options seemed relatively limited on poshmark, so i’d suggest you shop for them at the link below. if they fit, i’m 1000% getting the red ones when they come back in stock in my size.
ps: i’ve been slowly clearing out my closet and listing things on poshmark here and there as a means of adhering to a one in, one out closet philosophy. i’ve got a few new items to upload this weekend, but if you’d like, you can peek at my listings here.
and that, friends, is where i leave you. if you like this post, it would mean the world to me if you’d hit the little heart icon, as well as consider sharing it on stories—so that big feelings can be seen by more people.
I’ve come to really look forward to 5 things for Friday. Added women and children first to my TBR!!!!! Have a lovely wknd ❤️
This touched me in so many ways. I hope I have the pleasure of reading your novels someday. You’re a wonderful writer, Sarah.